I dont get it

I have been feeling all sorts of feeling I feel sad, mad, angry, confused and I don't like it I cant stand it I cant get in to see a med doctor because it will take three months and i am on a whole bunch of waiting list.. My regular Doctor told me yesterday that he is not giving me any more prescriptions from my Bipolar and or for my anxiety which i don't know why.. I think i really need to get a new regular Doctor because mine wicked s*cks.. today has been really hard for me I had a wicked bad dream last night and i did not get much sleep i don't know if my lamictal is working and i def know that the kolatapins are not working i have been taking antihistamine with it so that i can make it threw a work day without crying some days i am OK and others i feel like a big emotional mess.. at times i don't think i have bipolar all the doctors i have seen think so i thinks its because my grandmother had it and my uncle and both of my cousins do also.. i don't have racing thoughts and i DON'T want to kill my self and i DON'T want to kill anyone else I just feel lost and i feel like my head is going one way then the other and i keep thinking about things and i just cant stop and relax that's how it feel in my head... when i am at home i don't go on cleaning spears i wish someone could understand and help me threw my mom really has no clue what to do or say and she tries so hard to help but she just ends up making me so mad... well i hope someone can help me and give some advice because i feel so alone and lost and don't know were to turn or what to do...